A Word of Advice

I am not going to be giving much advice on this blog, more writing about my own journey through my own process. However, during my Mom's wake, my godmother, Aunt Karen gave me the best advice I've gotten. At the time she gave it to me, I did not realize how valuable and important it was. However, shortly after, I began to see what she was talking about. This is how it happened....

In between the two visitation hours of my mom's wake we had dinner at our home with all of the family, and extended family. As I was working my way around the buffet table my Aunt Karen pulled me aside and told me that she lost her mom when she was my age. She did not elaborate, that was it. She then said, "I felt like I was never going to be happy again, but I am happy now, you will get through it." Immediately I thought to myself, yes, I am extremely extremely sad, however I know I will be happy again, and just kind of said thank you and walked away. Looking back on this moment I felt like I was okay, because I had a world of support at my house. With family and friends all around, I did not even have to think for myself. I was sad, but I was okay. It wasn't until a few weeks after that it really hit me. Life doesn't stop, it keeps going, whether I like it or not. People return to their daily routines, people still work, go to school, and while people don't stop thinking about it, life goes on. People move on. We cry and laugh and remember. However, I was still having my moments. I had moments where all I could do was cry and cry myself to sleep and try and look for a sign that my mom was there with me. I begged for a sign that she was there with me. Sometimes I searched so hard that even a dark shadow gave me comfort thinking she was there in the room with me. Sometimes I just cried myself to sleep, and sometimes I just cried in A's arms. Whichever way I chose to comfort myself, I got through it. And even through in that moment I thought that was it, I am never going to be happy again. I always was. Still to this day, I am so sad. I miss my mom more than I can even put into words, but all in all, I am happy. I have some great things going for me. I know that no matter how hard it gets, I have a great guardian angel, and there is a light on the other side. Even though I cannot see happiness when I am sad, I think it is comforting knowing that it will be there....so just keep going.

That is the best advice I can pass on. Just keep going, because no matter what, happiness is around the corner, even if it seems so far away. And today, I can say, I am happy, despite the sad moments that I very often have.

Keep going...you'll get there.